Funny Quotes

- Sign in a pathology: It might be piss and shit for u, but for us it is bread and butter.

- Your daddy must be a terrorist because you're a BOMB!

- Sign post outside a college -- "DRIVE CAREFULLY, DONT KILL THE STUDENTS, .. . . WAIT FOR THE LECTURERS!"

- Never explain yourself. Your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe it..

- The Bible was written by the same people who said the Earth was flat

- Alcohol doesn't solve any problem, but then neither does milk

- The person who hates u thinks about you twice the person who loves you!

Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn around and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.
- Michael Jordan

Wise [persons] learn by others� mistakes, fools by their own.
- Henry George Bohn

When you make a mistake, don't look back at it long. Take the reason of the thing into your mind, and then look forward. Mistakes are lessons of wisdom. The past cannot be changed. The future is yet in your power.
- Phyllis Bottome

Whoever does not try, does not learn.
- Jewish Saying

When you row another person across the river, you get there yourself.
- Fortune Cookie

You can fool some of the people some of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't fool all of the people all of the time.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you judge people, you have no time to love them
- Mother Teresa

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.
- Mother Teresa

If you can't feed a hundred people, then feed just one.
- Mother Teresa

Where there is love there is life
- Mahatma Gandhi

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

To believe in one's dreams is to spend all of one's life asleep
- Chinese Proverb

To accomplish great things we must not only act but also dream, not only plan but also believe.
- Anatole

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...
- Anonymous

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

"You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation." - Plato

"Kites rise highest against the wind; not with it." - Sir Winston Churchill

"The DIFFERENCE between a successful person and others is not lack of strength, not a lack of knowledge, but rather a lack of will." - Unknown

"The tragedy of man is what dies inside himself while he still lives." - Albert Schweitzer

"The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for." - Unknown

Our greatest glory consists not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
- Confucius

Ideas

A good idea plus capable men cannot fail; it is better than money in the bank.
- John Berry

Every new idea is an impossibility until it is born.
- Anonymous

People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.
- Anonymous

Ideas are the roots of creation.
- Anonymous

Ideas not coupled with action never become bigger than the brain cells they occupied.
- Anonymous

Ideas move fast when their time comes.
- Anonymous

A mind once stretched by a new idea never regains its original dimensions.
- Anonymous

If you want to kill any idea in the world today, get a committee working on it.
- Anonymous

Freedom

It is true that liberty is precious. So precious that it must be rationed.
- Vladimir Ilyich Lenin 1870-1924, Russian Revolutionary Leader

Do not destroy that immortal emblem of humanity, the Declaration of Independence.
- Abraham Lincoln

Freedom is the last, best hope of earth.
- Abraham Lincoln

Those who deny freedom to others, deserve it not for themselves.
- Abraham Lincoln

If you're not ready to die for it, put the word ''freedom'' out of your vocabulary.
- Malcolm X 1925-1965, American Black Leader, Activist

Nobody can give you freedom. Nobody can give you equality or justice or anything. If you're a man, you take it.
- Malcolm X 1925-1965, American Black Leader, Activist

He that is kind is free, though he is a slave; he that is evil is a slave, though he be a king.
- St. Augustine 354-430

Governing sense, mind and intellect, intent on liberation, free from desire, fear and anger, the sage is forever free.
- Bhagavad Gita c. BC 400

The moment the slave resolves that he will no longer be a slave. His fetters fall... freedom and slavery are mental states.
- Mahatma Gandhi 1869-1948

Freedom is never voluntarily given by the oppressor; it must be demanded by the oppressed.
- Martin Luther King Jr. 1929-1968, American Black Leader, Nobel Prize Winner, 1964

Funny Quotes

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- Jarger

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Anonymous

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
- George Burns

I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- Anonymous

Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Anonymous

Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.
- Anonymous