By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates
Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch to be sure.
- Jarger
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Steven Wright
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Anonymous
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
- George Burns
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
- Dave Edison
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
- Anonymous
Since light travels faster than sound, people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- Anonymous
Women say all men are the same, but they have no problem telling you how different you are from Mel Gibson.
- Anonymous
